Iranians are the least politically correct foreigners in expressing their views of Afghans: both my absentee roommate and another Iranian photographer who's staying in my house's spare room for the next month have told me that Afghans are all liars. Several Afghans have for their part told me that they are the one and only Afghan I should trust.
It seems to me that a lot of this comes from the combination of a culture that puts enormous emphasis on the performance of hospitality and selflessness and a people in whom a generation of basically continuous war and unpredictability has instilled a survivor's distrust in others and a short-term looting rather than long-term investing mentality.
Yesterday my former neighbor's brother, who had given me his laptop to use with assurances that he never used and didn't need it, showed up at my house and asking if he could borrow back his laptop just for an hour or so because he had to scan and print some documents. I saved what I was doing and handed it over and repeated that if he needed it I would of course give it back to him and find another laptop. He assured me that he only needed the laptop for this one quick thing, and would come back with his brother (who was at a NATO base working on a contract to build a row of showers and toilets whose completion had been delayed repeatedly--he blames his workers for laziness--and so he hasn't been able to yet pay me back the $500 he owes me) and maybe we could go out for dinner.
I waited for Iftar time and then another half hour and then called my ex-neighbor, who knew nothing about his brother taking his computer back or dinner plans. He called the brother and then me back to explain that his brother wasn't yet done with his work and would bring me back the computer tomorrow or the next day, and gave me the brother's number.
I guess the brother felt it would be more impolite or show him off as inhospitable to demand his computer back. Somehow the best way to avoid impropriety was simply to lie and continue the performance of hospitality to my face and so avoid the "confrontation" of openly asking for his laptop back that would be an embarrassing unmasking of him as not living up to the ideals of taarof. Or maybe he just thought that if he told me he was taking it for keeps I would make excuses and not give it back.
But goddamn it he could have saved me a lot of worry and a day of getting no work done and himself a trip back to the other side of town.
It seems to me that a lot of this comes from the combination of a culture that puts enormous emphasis on the performance of hospitality and selflessness and a people in whom a generation of basically continuous war and unpredictability has instilled a survivor's distrust in others and a short-term looting rather than long-term investing mentality.
Yesterday my former neighbor's brother, who had given me his laptop to use with assurances that he never used and didn't need it, showed up at my house and asking if he could borrow back his laptop just for an hour or so because he had to scan and print some documents. I saved what I was doing and handed it over and repeated that if he needed it I would of course give it back to him and find another laptop. He assured me that he only needed the laptop for this one quick thing, and would come back with his brother (who was at a NATO base working on a contract to build a row of showers and toilets whose completion had been delayed repeatedly--he blames his workers for laziness--and so he hasn't been able to yet pay me back the $500 he owes me) and maybe we could go out for dinner.
I waited for Iftar time and then another half hour and then called my ex-neighbor, who knew nothing about his brother taking his computer back or dinner plans. He called the brother and then me back to explain that his brother wasn't yet done with his work and would bring me back the computer tomorrow or the next day, and gave me the brother's number.
The ex-neighbor called again this morning to say that his brother actually needed to keep his computer but he my ex-neighbor would find me another laptop. I said it was no problem I could find my own laptop, but I had 3 months of research on an encrypted drive (only partially backed up for complicated reasons) on the laptop and I just needed the brother to bring the laptop so I could transfer files. The ex-neighbor said he and his brother would come later today with both te laptop I'd be using and a new one for me. I called both of them a few times over the course of the day--they either didn't pick up or had their phones off--until finally I reached the ex-neighbor, who said he had tried and tried but hadn't been able to find me a new laptop. No surprise, I just wanted to know when I could transfer my files from the old laptop. He didn't know so I called and eventually reached his brother, who sounded delighted to hear from me (no sarcasm) and said it was really lucky because his flight to India has been delayed until the day after tomorrow so he can bring the laptop for file transfer first thing tomorrow morning. I said if he just gave me directions to his house I would come tonight and copy the files but no no he lives way on the other side of town ins bad neighborhood that I should avoid.
He wasn't the least bit apologetic for telling me one hour when really he intended to fly the laptop out of the country (dunno how long he's staying in India) and I figured expressing annoyance would only decrease the chance of him coming tomorrow morning.
He wasn't the least bit apologetic for telling me one hour when really he intended to fly the laptop out of the country (dunno how long he's staying in India) and I figured expressing annoyance would only decrease the chance of him coming tomorrow morning.
So hopefully he'll show up and I will be able to get a summer of research back. And hopefully his brother my ex-neighbor will pay me back that $500, now that I no longer have any collateral. He's still going to want to come to my house to Skype with his Internet girlfriend(s); I've got that at least in my favor. And hopefully I won't get ripped off too badly buying a new laptop tomorrow.
I guess the brother felt it would be more impolite or show him off as inhospitable to demand his computer back. Somehow the best way to avoid impropriety was simply to lie and continue the performance of hospitality to my face and so avoid the "confrontation" of openly asking for his laptop back that would be an embarrassing unmasking of him as not living up to the ideals of taarof. Or maybe he just thought that if he told me he was taking it for keeps I would make excuses and not give it back.
But goddamn it he could have saved me a lot of worry and a day of getting no work done and himself a trip back to the other side of town.
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